Time passes and it gets better, better for long moments in a row. Then one day you have a trigger. A song, a scent, you hear the name of the person who messed up your life, something that reminds you of what happened. It threatens to dig into that part of you that feels the pain. That part of you that sort of is comfortable with that pain because it’s what you’ve known. At that moment you can let yourself fall into that pain or you can decide to think to yourself, “Whew, that hurt hearing/smelling/seeing that. I think I’m going to be terribly heartbroken in a few moments. What am I gonna do about it? Am I going to let myself get stuck? Rage? Blame? Or am I going to feel it pass slowly as I breathe and remember that I don’t have to choose that pain anymore”.
I’m not talking about avoiding your feelings I’m talking about not letting them catch you like a fish on a hook. Rather, let them swirl around in your body, cry a bit if you need to, let it out and then let them go on. I feel like I need to put a disclaimer that this is the long view after an affair, like years later. It can be managed a bit easier than right during or after the heartbreaking, gut wrenching, overwhelming, all encompassing time. I can tell you that I have been there and it does get easier, but there is also a lot of work involved.