It might seem strange that I tried to call them before knowing who was having an affair with him. I wanted to figure it out. You see, the “first” affair which I put in quotes here to let you know that I understand that this occurrence could just be the “first” I knew of in our 14 year marriage. That first affair started about one month after I found out I was pregnant again. We lost our first baby and I had some issues health wise do to the loss. I sensed that he changed and started asking him if he was having an affair probably about one month into it. He acted very differently, worked out, whitened his teeth (which he had never done before), bought new clothes, etc. During this time, there were stupid silly lies that I never should have believed, but I did. My whole point of going there in this post is this, I had to find out and call because during the entire ordeal with the first one, he would say this, “You can’t prove it. Prove it Amanda”. I heard that over and over and over. I heard it when I was six months pregnant crying on the ground while he walked out on NYE to go out “by himself” to a club. This man who never once before went to a club. I was a sick mess. A person who believed he would be honest with me and that the first woman would too. She wasn’t and neither was he.
So, those messages I left before I found out who it the affair was with were my attempt at cutting it all short because I figured he wouldn’t tell me like the last time. I had to find out by calling the other woman’s husband to check and see.
This time, wow that I knew who it was he admitted her name. I sent her an email kindly asking that she stay away from our kids until she and the husband had been together for at least six months after we were divorced. I also asked her if she knew who the anonymous emailing man was. She said she had a “vast network” of friends and colleges who knew both her and her husband and it could be any of them.She also said “perhaps six months isn’t long enough” to stay away from the kids.I was trying to prepare for the two of them being together with that first email and trying to remain civil.
I’m telling you beyond the pain of affair round two, what killed me was not knowing who that damn e mailing man was. Not knowing who contacted me (if it wasn’t her) was driving me crazy. In particular because this e mailer had also looped in the previous affair. Yes, yes, I will give you a moment to take that in and a moment for me to explain what I mean.
When the man e mailed me, I responded with a comment about the previous affair similar to “hey xxx, quit messing with me”. The e mailer responded by saying he was not xxx. Well, I told my husband about this and then the e mailer forwarded me an email he received from the same email address as the previous affair that threatened him to stop talking to me. At first I definitely thought it was the previous affair when I saw that then realized with the “help” of the anonymous man that no, in fact, it was a made up email address. The first part was the same xxxyyy@ was the same, but the site was different. Yes, my husband had created a fake email address to mimic his previous affair and threatened the e mailer to not email me. He also addressed it to a specific name which I thought was weird at the time.
So, guess what I got to deal with at that point? Talking to the anonymous man AND the previous affair at the same time in email strings. Yes. Both.
I was open to the previous affair and apologized that her name had gotten pulled int this. she of course responded that my husband, “would never do something like that to her. He knows how much she went through during the first affair and he wouldn’t put her in harms way ever. He would not do something like that.” I actually laughed at a couple of our email exchanges and it was a great example of how self centered people (especially people who cheat) can be. I didn’t take any bait here and thanked her wished her well and asked that she keep me posted on the e mailer. Oh, but she did also say that this e mailer didn’t sound like a man. That this e mailer sounded like a scorned woman. She could be on to something eh?