I realized many things about myself during these affairs. One that struck me during the second round was that I have some sort of world view that eventually everyone will tell the truth. It was an interesting experience to realize that I had that belief even in the face of evidence quite to the contrary. Here I am in the parking lot of my child’s daycare talking to someone about that one and the husband. I told her that the truth will come out and realized that I believed that one or both of them would tell the truth.
I can break this down. I do believe that the truth often comes out, I have learned that it doesn’t always come out, but often it does. At least the parts we need to know to grow and move on with our lives.
However, I also learned that no, not everyone is compelled to tell the truth. Some people lie because that is what they learned to do. Some people lie because they are mentally ill, and some people lie because they are assholes and only out for themselves. Some people will look you in the face and lie right to it.
It’s not what someone says to you, it’s how he or she treats you. How does he treat you? How does he behave? Write it down. Then determine what you think his motives are. I wish I had done that a bit more during my marriage, but of course, another world view of mine, things happen as they should.
How are you treated?